so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
