I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
how does that bad decision feel?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
