If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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