You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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