We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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