i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize