I heard we made out
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
