We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
