All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
