You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize