At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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