she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
