Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
