is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
