is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
