And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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