The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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