theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
