I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
