Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
