every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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