I faked an abortion last night.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
We are two peas in an std pod
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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