I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
