I wish i was in the wii world.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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