A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize