You work out of a Hotel?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
