John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
