Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
