Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
