In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
