i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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