the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
two words...techno handjob
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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