My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize