I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
