there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
