Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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