If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
