After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
