On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
