literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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