Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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