Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
