I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
