I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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