You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize