it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
