we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You ruined the universe
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize