So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
