that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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