There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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