I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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