Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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