My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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