and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She even gives head with a lisp.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
