oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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