I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
i out mim tonsoeep
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