Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
