I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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