I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
