It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize