You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
