I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I just found puke in my bra..
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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