I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
