whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
farters have to be the big spoon...
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
