i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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