Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
