Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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