I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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