First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
