I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
