Farmville is her only friend.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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