She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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