I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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