is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
