You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize