Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
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