so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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