Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
