even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
