Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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