I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
