Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
