Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
