you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
