there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
