I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
