Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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