You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
