i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
