Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
