Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
