Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
