My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
