she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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